Have you ever done something scary, exciting or new?
And you tell someone about your big plan.
And they….shoot it down? They cringe. They suck air between their teeth and start saying all the things that could possibly go wrong.
You start believing how much of that could go wrong.
You probably should stay in the safe job instead of going out on your own.
Actually don’t go the same route your friend is because what if one of you makes it?
OR BOTH of you make it?
It’s incredible what a simple question mark can do to your esteem.
As a kid I grew up watching my high school dance team perform and was enthralled by the precision, the lipstick and the awards they won. I saved every team poster, I watched every one of their routines, I just knew I was going to be one of them.
When I reached eighth grade, I was the only girl in my grade to sign up for tryouts.
Each day of tryouts, I walked from the middle school to the high school by myself. I walked in knowing no one. I stood quietly, I was freaking out, I learned the routine then it came up that you had to group up for tryouts.
I almost started bawling because everyone had their groups.
Then two upperclassmen vets came up and invited me to dance with them.
I’m pretty sure I did start crying (WOW, GREAT START TO HIGH SCHOOL, MARIN!) I ended up making the team as an only freshman, made the team every year working my way through officer positions until I was Captain and had opportunities for award-winning seasons, debuting the new Kaufman stadium, working with choreographers and met the most talented dancers I’ve ever known. Out of all of that, I only hope I gave some of the girls the encouragement that Fay and Sarah gave me in the very beginning.
If that stood out to me at 14, then WHY, over 10 years later, did I let the words of others make me upset? Worse…why was I making up people’s insults in my own worried head?
I am extremely lucky to have the best tribe of supportive, encouraging people who see more in my capabilities than I do. I’m not just saying that in the generic thank you post on Facebook ‘I couldn’t do this without your support’ way. But I truly hear nothing but 98.7% encouraging comments from these people and it’s amazing what happens when you look back into you circle at them.
What you should do is listen to feedback. Take that in. Grow with it. DON’T THINK that you know it all or are always in the right (sorry, ego). But when you are talked down to, harshly criticized, pushed out or ignored, turn in to your circle. When you’re fired, dumped, discouraged or cussed out, turn in to your circle.
If you have no one like that to go to, turn to me.
Turn to someone.
Find a new circle. Or pieces to that circle.
I have two examples of this from people who
One is a friend I’ve known since elementary school. She’s (quite literally) pulled me out of some messy times. She sets me straight and builds me up. She reality checks me and cheers for me in times I’m sure aren’t always easy. She sent me a text today that said “Focus on what you have right now and enjoy this. This is what you want to do and I think it’s amazing. I love this so much!” Here I am on hour twelve of powering through this because, yeah, I do really love this.
The other friend is someone remarkable I met recently through the Army. We’re both spouses so it’s a regular occurrence that we see each other more than our husbands. When you can’t talk to them for months on end, you can turn to someone who is going through the same thing. Thousands of miles away from anyone else they call family. They turn into who you celebrate birthdays, holidays and emergencies with. This awesome lady knew nothing about me and when something tough hit…she was one of the loudest cheerleaders there. I am blown away by the kindness and her ability to point out attributes I didn’t think she had a clue of knowing from our friendship.
Imagine what you could do if you did everything they said about you?
These responses from them were at the point of what could have been the easiest point to drop every goal I had set up in my plan.
Note: When you make plans, I’m pretty sure God laughs and says ‘Hold My Beer.’
Does he drink beer? Can I say that on the holiest week of the year?
You are the average of the five people you spend the most time around (Jim Rohn). Throw in the ambitious go-getter who is always one step ahead, the fun friend you can take a break with, the critic that toughens you up, the empathetic one you can vent to and the one who will always challenge an area you want to grow in.
If you have people who talk poorly about you in front of or behind your back, throw ’em out. (Especially if you’re over the age of 21. I mean, c’mon…)
If you have a lazy significant other who discourages you from completing an achievement, verbal or not. BOY, BYEEE. (This should happen ASAP, no matter the age.)
If one of these people is your family members or someone you can’t ‘get rid of’ then have a serious conversation or insert the restriction of time and space you need. Do not let their fear of failure make you a fearful person as well.
You protect yourself, your time, your health, your relationships and you control who you surround yourself with. You are better than that and I can see that in you.
Get over the fear of letting them go because people that insecure or small won’t leave that big of a piece missing. They don’t have any kind of power or say over you. Not your worth, not your potential, not your past, not your future.
Take some confidence in the fact there are hundreds of people out there giving you a standing ovation and applauding at the top of their lungs.
You just have to tell those–Rated PG– loud-mouth party poopers to sit down.
Cheers to that!
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