My Favorite Takeaways from Rachel Hollis

After reading the extremely hyped-up book Girl, Wash Your Face and a recent feature in Success magazine, it’s easy to tell why everyone fan-girls over Rachel Hollis. With her new book, Girl, Stop Apologizing out now I wanted to come back to some of my favorite takeaways.

Whether you’ve read them or not, here are some great pick-me-ups for you today and to share with your friends!

 

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Rachel Hollis Girl, Wash Your Face Chapter 3

“In order to be loved I felt like I needed to produce or achieve something as a kid. I’m always reminded of something bigger I could be doing. Prove my worth in career and personal life.”

I FELT this. I grew up always playing sports, competing in 4-H, putting myself out there and getting used to some kind of activity that had an outcome of an award to be won. Now in the ‘real world’ there aren’t always awards to be won, titles to be earned or end goal in mind. You’re either satisfied or unsatisfied with what you’ve done.


Rachel Hollis Girl, Wash Your Face Chapter 4

“Imagine what you would have missed if you had just showed up for yourself.”

Accountability comes from love. Judgement comes from hate, jealousy, etc.
The Number One thing women crave is friends.There’s that need for connection, belonging and networking. Yet we struggle with how to make friends, keep friends and/or find friends.
Going off that, a different quote I saw online said:

“If you look for outside validation to feed you, you will always be hungry.”

You’re not the only one who feels guilt, regret or the only person who has gone through something. Every day you’re setting expectations for yourself.

 

Someone else’s opinion of you is none of your business.

This includes the bad reviews. The gossip. The comments. Never hold other’s opinions over your own. Comparing those opinions of someone 100% not invested in you and your company to creating something from your heart and something you hope finds recognition.

If you’re doing this as a gift. you can’t make others like it. I have a majority of friends and family who don’t read, interact or like my stuff. That can’t make me stop working.

A mean review can’t make you a bad writer, restaurant owner or wood builder. You have to care more about what you’re putting out there than how it will be received.


 

Being Told No. “No is only an answer if you accept it.”

I had big dreams and plans. I thought I would work in top-notch advertising agencies or marketing firms with awesome clients and work my way up.

What was my reality? I was crying with what felt like a sense of relief paired with feeling like a failure. I had six months of zero income and was questioned about things I felt guilty on doing for myself. After 12 months of being ‘in business’ people are still saying comments about how I’m getting this off the ground and if I want a job they can help out.

It’s not always about talent, skill, money or connections.

“My dreams are not something for someone else to manage. No means slow down.”

– Rachel Hollis

Even if slowing down means you need to change course to reach your destination, even though I don’t know what that is, that’s okay. It’s not happening TO you; it’s FOR you.

You need to decide to stop giving up.

Decide to stop believing the excuses you’re making.

If Rachel had been told her book would never sell, she never would have been a best-selling author. Just because someone is listed as a ‘professional’ in their field doesn’t mean their words are life or death. Nothing that lasts comes quickly. No legacy is based on any one moment.


 

The things you think are difficult are someone else’s dream. The chaos you want is something others are wishing for. Babysitting, kids, move, changing, scary, hard, overwhelming. You name it. Find something to rejuvenate you and your love for what your life is.


 

At the end of Girl, Wash Your Face they have a Q&A section that I particularly loved.

When you look at your goals and where you want to be in the next 5-10 years, ask yourself ‘Who am I? Where am I? Where do I want to go?’

Is your current schedule reflecting that?

I always get asked how I’m able to work from home but this is what I want to do. For my job environment, for our schedule, for our future.

My health and fitness, get that same attention every morning because that’s important in my goals.

I want my own money and career and success so I make sure I put in a certain of hours for my clients and for my own brand.

I based hourly off of what I want income to be and my annual income goal shows me how many clients I need to bring in through brands and services. This is how I keep myself accountable.

It’s easy for me to get s*** done when I am extremely clear on what I am doing. I want to be a great wife, a great friend and a great mom and boss in the future so when I work hard during the day I know I can close the office door feeling accomplished. When that happens, I can 100% enjoy cooking, playing with my dog, spending time with my husband and enjoying things I love doing with people I love doing them with.

 

I hope a few of these rambling thoughts and spin-offs are something you’re able to look for in your everyday life. I hope you wash your face, stop apologizing and put your own passions above other’s opinions of you.

And I wish you luck!

 

Cheers!

Marin

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The Personal Side of Complaints, Apologizing and Forgiveness

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In Success Magazine’s Spring 2019 issue they had a large several-page spread with one liners on how to improve areas of your life in 2019. One paragraph stood out to me. It went as follows:

Don’t insert a complaint about someone when changing subjects will suffice. Apologize for things hanging over your conscience, but don’t over-apologize when you’ve done nothing wrong. Forgive people even when you know an apology isn’t coming your way. Forgive yourself.

This simple paragraph out of all the writer had spewed out was exactly what I have been focusing this season of my life around and it’s a source of my largest stress as well as what I am most proud of.

I believe they wrote this down in a certain order because it’s often the way we need to process through these mentally. Let me break it down…

Don’t insert a complaint about someone when changing subjects will suffice.

We all have the friends and ‘group’ that you can rant to, uncensored, and it’s okay. But be careful who you tell what to. I have had several friends or confidants who I believed were on ‘my side’ but the same toxic things they would spew about their other ‘best friends’ shows you exactly how they will speak to others about you.

Even after removing the toxicity they are free to spread whatever they want around. It is about how you react to it that shows your character. It frustrates me to see them doing this same vicious cycles to others but who am I to tell others what they can and can’t do? If you’re someone who believes you are a good person then let your actions reveal that. Trust that people have the ability to decide what is and is not true. Trust that even if they’re in bad company they will soon figure that out the same way you did. Adding more trash doesn’t clean up a pile of trash…it just makes for one messy area no one wants to go near.

Don’t give in to the urge to reveal the truth. (I KNOW it is tempting but you will find it will reveal itself.) The minute you talk poorly of someone you become known as the person who talks poorly of others. You can say what you mean without saying it mean. It’s that simple. Wish them well. Bless their heart. Spread love where you can.  And just change the subject. You will feel much better avoiding that guilt hangover.

Apologize for things hanging over your conscience, but don’t over-apologize when you’ve done nothing wrong.

I remember every time I have extended a white flag and it was not returned. Not that I necessarily expected one (there must have been something off that caused the conflict in the first place) but it would have been nice! It’s like telling someone they’re beautiful and they respond with ‘I Know.’

See some of those stories below. Don’t worry, they’re comin’.

It’s not all just boyfriends and girlfriends but also in professional relationships. There is nothing that drives me more crazy than when people say ‘I’m sorry.’ in situations that do NOT require those words!

I worked with a person primarily over a conference line. She would never say the first word, she would never take the lead and she often only took action when guided how to. Nothing wrong with that at all. She did great work.

But every single time, often more than once a conversation I would hear her say Sorry for an accidental interruption, project missed, wrong title read, etc. It loses all sense of the word when it’s part of your regular vocabulary!

I am all for owning your mistakes and truly meaning you feel empathy for something. But do NOT go through this world apologizing for being here and assume every misstep you take is a bad one. NO. You’re better, smarter, tougher, stronger and too good for that.

I’ve known several people who are serial offenders to repeatedly adding condolences in their everyday sentences. I started asking ‘What are you apologizing for?’ They would mumble out some line about how they weren’t sure it just felt like they should say it. Break the habit!

 

Forgive people even when you know an apology isn’t coming your way.

Ah, offering forgiveness. It’s like volunteering and internally expecting something in return.

I remember when I was younger and going through a break-up there was always the conversation to bring ‘closure’ aka not a thing. Days, months, years later I would cross paths again and apologize for my wrong doings. Not because I thought profuse I’m Sorry’s would reconcile anything but truly recognizing where I fell short, what I learned from that and what made me better for the next relationship I would be in.

Alexa, start playing God Bless The Broken Road by Rascal Flatts…

 

Do not feel the urge to apologize when you feel you have done nothing wrong. I’m going to make this realllll big so you don’t miss it.

When a person tells you that you hurt them you didn’t get to decide that they didn’t.

-louis c.k.

I eventually told most everyone who hurt me in some way, shape or form what they did. We may have both been at the same place, same time doing the same thing but our memories of the event could be very different. If you felt humiliated, unsafe, hurt or let down they do not hold any kind of special power to say ‘No, you didn’t’ or ‘I didn’t do that.’  Believe wholeheartedly that it is better to agree to disagree and walk away than it is to convince them they fell short.

One response I got was fantastic. They said they were also sorry for not recognizing the major support I needed in a very difficult time and we were both grateful it happened and move forward. We are friends and it’s not weird. A large gap of time and space did help that (most annoying thing to hear, my bad) but it truly does. It can happen. If it doesn’t, that’s okay, too.

Another response, the big one, I apologized for my wrong-doings…and was met with Thanks for saying that. And trust me they had a lottttt, a lot they could have apologized for. Now there is a long, long story attached to that I won’t get in to but the main point stands out. Had I stayed with that person I would more than likely still be where they are (physically and mentally). It’s no wonder that was a leading reason I left the relationship. If you ever get the chance to experience something like that, it will be the  most clarifying moment. Just like you couldn’t fix someone back then  there is nothing you can do now.

Apologizing to those does not show defeat at all. It shows maturity. It shows growth. I would much rather leave telling someone ‘I’m for all I did wrong. Thank you for everything.’ than something cruel I said in a moment of anger.

 

Forgive yourself. 

I’m not much of a person to #selfcare #selftalk #forgiveyourself but #hereIam. Mostly because it was in the previous excerpt so I will give this my best shot. This is usually something I only speak about with close friends because, damn, is it hard.

I considered myself to be an extroverted, confident teenager. I liked being liked. I liked being everywhere with everyone at every event. The last place I wanted to be was sitting at home in what was, at the time, a place I felt extremely uninvited to. I much preferred to be out where things were lighthearted, where I had people who also wanted to be around me, where I could ‘make memories’ and be apart of everything.

Because of this outward image I was putting on it came as a big shock to those I opened up to what was going on at home, in my mind and in my personal life. Some people believe me; some of my closest friends still don’t. Some believe you can’t be two people at the same time.

You can’t be a party girl and also be someone who went through something invasive and demoralizing.

You can’t have amazing parents who love and support you and also physically, verbally fight with them, get kicked out and told you’re stupid or in need of a workout.

You can’t be the captain, the homecoming queen, hold a crowned title, several leadership positions and also see how many pills you can take to get away from the issues.

But you can. People go through things like this every single day.

You’re bound to screw up. It will happen. It’s important to have someone, at least one person who you trust that can help carry that burden with you.

There are things only my friends know. There are things myself and those who were there with me know. There are things only my husband knows. And there are things that are only between myself and God that not a single other person will ever know.

I am okay with that.

I have only been to two counseling sessions in my life. One I was tricked and forced to go to (which scarred me you could say) and one I chose to go to when I had a panic attack/actual breakdown in college. Neither one personally allowed me to open up but I encourage you to find someone you can trust, a licensed stranger if it helps, and let it out. You’re not alone and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

I still have moments where a bad or annoying memory will pop up and in the deep pit of my stomach right under my ribs this anxious feeling creeps in. It’s all consuming. I recognize that and I let it pass; knowing it will come back sometime. Someday.

 

I was self-conscious about a lot of things in my life and several of those still exist. I am proud of who I am and what I have done.

I forgive others for thinking they get to say who I was or am. I forgive those who took their own personal vengeances out on my wedding day. Including someone close to me who has never publicly said one positive thing about me and instead pointed out everyone in the room except for me. For saying the only good thing I ever did was marry my husband and not screwing it up. I forgive them because they were blind to anything that was every actually going on.

No. Marrying him was the greatest experience of my life but I have definitely done many, many more good things. Being his wife is the favorite thing I have ever been but I am much more than that. I forgive myself for thinking anything less was ever true.

I forgive myself for every time I treated my body less than. For thinking I wasn’t worth something special. For going through phases of not eating, not eating enough, or eating junk. For harming myself, picking, pulling, prodding, treating, comparing. I forgive myself for ever letting words from teasing or bullying hurt me.

 

 

I forgive myself for thinking things happen to everyone. I forgive myself for being too ashamed to tell anyone. I forgive myself for feeling the shame of not stopping it from happening to someone else. I forgive myself right now for putting this out there in the world after being engraved in my mind and scribbled on paper for years.

I forgive myself for every time I thought I had to compensate for being something someone else wanted me to be. I forgive others who didn’t reach out, see the problems, or be the leader and mentor I needed them to be. I held on. I figured it out. I know what to look for and what to ask and when to ask it. I can take the shortcoming’s that adults gave me and use that for something much, much better now. I will break the cycle of what I have experienced.

Even if I never received a much-deserved apology, the justice that should have been served or the outcome I was too afraid of pursuing…I forgive myself. At 25-years-old I understand I no longer need public validation like I once thought I did. Just because you publish a post or a photo and no more than 10 people like it does not mean you aren’t beautiful or have nothing important to say. Not every person needs to see something to make it true or untrue. Not every person needs to believe or support everything I do or say. If I feel it is true, it is true. Wherever that is, Let It Be. 

I forgive myself for thinking terrible, awful things are happening in my body because of some twisted karma from an event that happened in 2009 or 2011 or last week. God loves me and he wants everything that I want. He’s just better at knowing what I need.

Forgive someone today. Don’t over apologize. Don’t insert a complaint when you could just change the subject. Forgive yourself.

Love,

Marin

“She wears strength and darkness equally well, the girl has always been half goddess, half hell.”— @nikita_gill

 

In case you haven’t heard we are running a huge promo to celebrate our first birthday in March! Make sure you’re following (social media and enter your email) so you don’t miss out. Once March is over, so will this promotion.

“My Success Is Inevitable.” And The 10 Step Action Plan To Get You There.

In the Winter 2018 publication of Success Magazine Harris Faulkner shared her bits of wisdom on a feature page in the back. I loved everything she mentioned and hope to get my hands on her book “9 Rules of Engagement” soon!

 

Harris shared answers to several questions but one of my favorites was her favorite quote. I agree with Harris that my favorite is always fluctuating depending on what I was going through or needed in  that moment.  Her fortune cookie left her with “My success is inevitable.” It’s a great reminder that you are where you are supposed to be and, so long as you keep working and moving forward, you will be successful and end up just where  you need to be.

 

The answer that stuck out the most was her definition of integrity. Her prompt was “Integrity is…” to which she answered and I will paraphrase ‘That thing you do when nobody is watching.’

The definition of integrity is ‘the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.’

 

It’s when you find money on the ground and return it to the waiter who dropped it. 

It’s when you have the opportunity to break the law but choose not to. 

It’s when you hold yourself accountable for your words, thoughts, actions when you’re alone or with others. 

“Take care of your words when you’re with others and your thoughts when you’re alone.” 

 

A person of integrity, a person of success, a person with knowing all have a plan. I also read in this issue that being ‘too young’ or ‘too old’ is not an excuse for wandering aimlessly. You can always change your mind about who you want to be but you must always be working toward something. 

To keep working toward something, you need to create an action plan. This will help you get started in the direction of your goals and allow for flexibility should you (probably) need it later on. This is something we do with all of our clients in the Branding + Positioning Strategy which you can check out here.

  1. Set SMART Goals. The first thing we learn in any communications class is how to set SMART Goals. Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Timely. Instead of saying ‘I will raise awareness on diabetes,’ try ‘I will prepare 200 infographics with a checklist of tasks and due-dates to help identify pre-diabetes and distribute at the health fair by April 1.’ This allows you to track progress and see how well you performed. 
  2. Identify your audience. Who are they? What do they look like? What do they sound like? How do you communicate with them? On which platform? All of these questions and more are answered in our Branding+ Positioning Strategy.  
  3. Hire in the direction you want to go. In the time it would take you to learn, try, research and implement something by ‘just doing it yourself’ take a look at who around you could help out. You can find graphic design students, Fiverr freelancers, SAHMs, Facebook job postings or a family friend to take care of the things you can let go of. Use your time where it makes sense for YOU to be. If it’s not 100% mandatory you do a task, delegate it. 
  4. Identify Opportunities. If you’re a crafter, what holidays or occasions are coming up? If you’re a decorator, before what events do people want their home decorated? Find a problem in your industry and provide a solution for it. What is the biggest pain point for your clients and how can you fix it? This is often done by a little field research as informal as a Facebook poll. 
  5. Income. Even when you think the last three months of business have been booming there is always a chance that funnel will dry up. By creating products, email campaigns, eBooks or other services you can guarantee yourself, and your employees, continued paychecks. If you’re a coach and someone can’t (or doesn’t want to) pay your monthly coaching fee, would they settle for one call a month at a lower cost? Implementing a referral program or short-time offer is a great way to bring in new clients while servicing your loyal current clients. 
  6. Move forward every day.  It’s easy to feel burnt out in your endless pursuit to success. Each day you should be taking a step toward what you want to achieve. What would a fitness icon do today? They would workout even if they didn’t feel like it. What would a millionaire do today? They would make that phone call they might not want to make. You are always choosing. You can read a book or watch a TV show. Which would be more beneficial? You could choose to sleep an extra 30 minutes or you could take a walk. Which would be more beneficial? The best thing here is that the answer is different in every situation. Some days you will need to de-stress with trash TV and sleep in instead of working out and eat a bar of chocolate instead of an apple. Balance. You control your decisions. 
  7. Network! Building a network is much more than a business luncheon to pass your business card around. Meeting locals in or outside of your industry allows you to get the word out about your offers and work with others you may have otherwise never known. Networking provides the chance to meet your mentor and create an accountability group. You could be someone’s inspiration and you’re doing no favors by playing it shy and small.
  8. Take Action! A blessing and a course, my sense of urgency still gets sh*t done. My husband is very much the type who wants to put things off and is never ready to start in fear that it will never be perfect enough to put out. I encourage clients to be well prepared but you will never know what works or what doesn’t if it isn’t public. You have nothing to improve if it doesn’t exist. 
    Want me to review your current work? Just ask!
  9.  Log Your Hours. Keep a log on your computer of where you spend your time. Much like a timesheet when you’re on a 1099 contract, log your time for a week and see if you’re spending the most time on projects that make you the most profit and make you the most happy. 
  10. Review and Improve. After implementing, testing the course for a while and reviewing your log, review what is or is not working and how you can make it better. Even if things are going great there is always a way to make the customer experience better, increase employee morale, or add-on to a current offer. Fix anything broken and reward yourself for a job well done. Thank those who have helped you thus far and be kind to those just coming in. 

 

I hope that you know your success is inevitable. You can slow down but you cannot stop. As long as you never give up, you will succeed. 

 

Cheers to taking action!

Marin

Are you ready to put your plan into action? Let’s go!